What is a “Healing Journey?”
In the spirit of cultivating community here at La Vie de Zee, I want to provide insight into my healing journey. First off: what is a “healing journey?” [Side note: I feel like the wellness/spirituality space can be a bit jargon-y, so I’ll be as clear as possible!] At some point, most people realize that they have subconscious patterns that are affecting them in a less-than-desirable way. From there, they begin their “healing journey.” Not unlike the archetypal Hero’s Journey, this inquiry ultimately leads the searcher back to themselves.
My Journey
My healing journey began in a fairly standard way. I started seeing a therapist to help with work stress and dating anxiety. I was looking for a quick fix to help me live more efficiently along the lines that I had already laid out for myself. Only to realize that my entire approach to life did not reflect my core values. This realization led to a total upheaval of my personal and professional life.
Once I was finally able to face all the icky stuff that had caused me to contort my personality into a people-pleasing pretzel, I set about the somewhat arduous task of reprogramming my subconscious beliefs. The tricky thing about subconscious patterns is that they can be difficult to identify and even harder to modify. Couple with the fact that the average person in today’s Western society receives little to no training in how to do this, and you’ve set the stage for somewhat of an uphill battle.
One of the most difficult things about recovering from childhood emotional abuse and neglect was the feeling of isolation. I didn’t fully acknowledge or even understand what had happened to me until my mid-to-late twenties. Because I wasn’t physically hit and did not grow up lacking food, shelter, etc., I didn’t understand that I nonetheless was suffering from severe complex PTSD (CPTSD). Even once I had accepted what happened, I still felt that what I’d gone through was “not that bad,” or certainly not bad enough to have had such a serious impact on my life.
Healing Modalities
Therapy was the beginning of my healing journey, but it certainly wasn’t the end. I ended up parting ways with my talk therapist after realizing that she wasn’t supportive of my career shift. Now, I work with a therapist that specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). In addition to therapy, I’ve been learning about how the body stores and processes stuck energy. For someone who spends a fair amount of time in their head, getting back into my body and feeling safe there has been a huge part of my recovery.
I wouldn’t say that I am fully “healed” (what does that even mean??). However, I am at a place where I can reflect on what I’ve been through with a sense of admiration. I am a friggin’ bad ass.
To the many who have gone through something similar or worse: you are not alone. The impact those experiences had on your life is real. Blaming myself for the challenges I faced (and wanting to protect the people that perpetuated the cycle of abuse) kept me from getting the help I needed sooner.
All in all, the reward for all this has been re-acquainting myself with my “true” self. I can’t tell you how good it feels to embrace who I am at this point in my life. I wish this and more for everyone reading this post.
